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Review: The Chortle Comedy Awards


Keith Sparrow gives Shadowlocked his unique view of the 2014 Chortle Awards...

Thanks to fellow locker of shadows Richard Cosgrove I found myself heading sweaty palmed into London. A hearty Mcdonalds saw this country mouse ready for action among the snooty town mice and so having left my rubbish on the Kindertransport memorial (as is the custom) I set out for the Ministry of Sound. I really did think it would be bigger, the legendary Ministry and it was not at all like the Ministries in Orwell's 1984 which you can see for miles around and that saddened me.

Mustering all my #swag I let it be known that I was on the list dahling and strode manfully forth. I was given pause by a diner in the courtyard, one of those ones made out of an old cargo container, it was a good one though not all grotty and seeing it was nearly a fiver for a beer  and the GDP of a small African country for a burger I steeled myself and whispered soothing things to my wallet. My first impression upon entering the venue was that I hated it, a blue lit ambient hell blaring commercial dance music. I don't know what it's like usually but tonight it was awful. There are these weird benches on the bottom floor that are really high and make your feet dangle like a toddler on a grown up chair.

As a 'journalist' however I had access to the VIP area and it turned out the bar was free, contrary to the impression given by that thieving diner outside so my plus one (the talented and one day he'll be famous I bet Richard Stainbank) and I decided to get wasted. What with it being so hateful and all. So pretty soon I was lounging back in my River Island finery, doing my best Patrick Bateman impersonation, "but what about the awards you waffling hack?" Yeah alright I'm doing them next.

They were alright, the awards and that's really the best I can say about them. All the winners were announced in a loud clear voice which we could all hear, and they looked very dapper and gracious as they accepted the awards. If you care who was nominated and who won here is the link. (Or see below - Ed)

Sorry internet, if I seem to be belittling the achievements of hard working and talented people (Ed Gamble best compere, good egg, promised I'd mention him) and denying them recognition I'm truly not. My brief was to review the awards and they really were over in a flash, it was all about the free bar and the hob-nobbing. Not that I did a great deal of that due to the necessity of being smashed, and a necessity it truly was.

Pat Sharp was there, he made a crack about the twins Melanie and Martina, sexual in nature. Joey Essex made a good stab at presenting an award and speaking people words. He tried so hard. Beset by the braying hoots of the damned I warmed to compere Arthur Smith, as his 'let's get it over with' schtick really spoke to me.

Keith Sparrow performs as Maximillian Havoc - check out his website here

Thanks to Jenny at Impressive PR for the invite.



Best newcomer: Sofie Hagen

Best Compere: Ed Gamble

Breakthrough act, sponsored by Time Out: Sara Pascoe

Club comic: Paul Sinha

Character, improv or sketch act: Austentatious

Music and variety award: The Horne Section

Internet Award: Richard Herring’s Leicester Square Theatre Podcast

Best DVD: Simon Amstell: Live At The BBC

Best show: Bridget Christie: A Bic For Her

Industry Award: Chris Evans from Go Faster Stripe

Best tour: Micky Flanagan: Back In The Game

Radio Award: Bridget Christie Minds The Gap

TV Award: Fresh Meat

Venue awards
Scotland: Edinburgh Stand
The North: XS Malarkey, Manchester
Wales and the West: Cardiff Glee Club
Midlands and the East: Birmingham Glee Club
The South: Brighton Komedia
London large venue: Soho Theatre
London club: 99 Club Leicester Square



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