It's happening!

As to be expected from a community-based entry system, there have been floods of examples of people jumping on the Greenlight ship to submit more or less anything they believe to be suitable for the Steam store. From horrible copy-and-paste imitations to purely horrendous concepts, here's a selection of the best of the worst games available to vote on.

1. Costumeverse: Kitsune World

A top-down adventure game with absolutely nothing remarkable to its name, bar maybe its furry-based RPG theme. Kitsune World places the player in the world of a Kitsune, a mythical Japanese creature, that more often than not, tends to be a fox. The village inhabitants disappeared mysteriously and its up to you, magical Kitsune fox (original character: DO NOT STEAL), to find out what happened to them by doing...well nothing much really, besides accidentally clipping through walls and sliding eerily from place to place. The absolute cherry on top of this marvellous cake, however, is the fact that the game's creator didn't even have the patience, or technical know-how, to use some kind of screen-capture technology when creating trailers - instead, all footage is recorded off some kind of hand-held device in front of the screen, wobbling and fading in and out of focus as the gripping display of gameplay excellence unfolds. Nice.

2. Stick Z

DayZ has inspired a slew of user generated mods for a variety of different games (that end in Z) - including, apparently, this. Stick Z, by the looks of it, some kind of FPS involving stick men...and again, that's about it. The game's creator mentions that it's supposed to be a zombie game - which are probably meant to be represented by some of the black stick men on display, although I can see how this could be very easily misconstrued. Absolutely no effort has been put into the character design, environments or just about anything, really. Although Greenlight is bound to inspire it's fair share of "joke" projects, I have the creeping suspicion that this might actually be serious. But at least the games creator acknowledges "This game is not good. i know." So that's something, I guess.

3. 01-10 Org

The promise of a game which offers open-world exploration of a vast alien planet using a variety of land and aerial vehicles is one that would appeal to almost anybody. So on paper 01-10 Org has a lot of potential. Until you see it. From the screenshots and trailers its glaringly obvious that the game's creators have put next to no effort into any of the models whatsoever, leading to a series of muddy, bland and generally hilarious objects interacting in the loosest possible sense with each other. The terrains are awful, the "effects" are eye-bleedingly bad and the number of polys used on some of the vehicles can probably be counted in single digits. And there's no obvious explanation for why some of the concept art (including the cover photo) looks like an homage to Salad Fingers.

Yeah.

4. Zero - Player Game

I... I don't even know, man. It's like, it claims to be a game, it even goes as far as to say it's a game in the title, but I've sat and looked at it and I can't find a game anywhere. Apparently, the point of Zero-Player Game is to input your character's name and class, and then the "game" proceeds to generate stats an updates itself in real time - without any actual graphics at all, mind you, as it's all done in a kind of ASCII-style spreadsheet. I could literally have a similar "gameplay" experience to this with Microsoft Excel, and probably have more fun with it too. It's that bad that it actually inspires some kind of minor existential crisis - if this counts as a game, then what really is a game anymore? What's even real? What isn't? How can I know? Where is the game, ZPG? You said there would be a game.

5. Voiture >> Esquive

The product of a Frenchman's demented dream to make a driving game, Voiture [Greater Than Greater Than] Esquive is apparently a game where players "drive a car (Peugeot RCZ)...and you have to dodge the boxes and the explosives." The game's creator promises that the community can help by adding models of cars, although its not really certain how this will make any difference at all since, judging by the screenshots, at least a significant portion of the game involves staring at the back of a Peugeot 206 plastered in front of the same static skyline. Forever.

6. It's A Wipe!

It's A Wipe! harkens back to the classic style of RPGs from days gone by, with the "unique gameplay aspect" that the player is able to lead and manage a make-believe MMO guild. As such the game is targeted at the kind of people that want to play a MMO but simply don't have any friends - which says a lot really. Players get the option of assigning different guild members to their own dedicated tasks and simulating the frustration of real MMOs whenever their teammates do something incredibly stupid and get everyone killed for the umpteenth time - probably not surprising considering the game's name implies failure from the get-go - without any of the added benefits such as pretty graphics or animations at all to speak of. As a result the gameplay comes across as looking like some kind of bastardisation of the early Pokémon games, only not, you know, fun.

7. Chernobyl Terrorist Attack

This one deserves a mention because at first glance, it actually looks almost good. But as soon as you start reading the game description your preconceptions are quickly shattered. The entire premise of Chernobyl Terrorist Attack is, unsurprisingly, that terrorists are planning to attack the (decommissioned) Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant and release a cloud of lethal radiation using plot magic unless their demands are met. As such the governments of the world decide that, instead of letting the idiots have their way with a pocket of blasted scrubland in the middle of the Ukrainian countryside, they have to send a single super elite soldier into the area to kill all of the terrorists on his own without any reinforcements or support of any kind, because that's how tactical operations work. While there is so many things wrong with this game lurking just under the surface, it's sufficient to say that this game is the equivalent of a movie made by The Asylum - it's cheap, corny, mindless action with all the integrity and artistic merit of Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, and it's absolutely hilarious.

NOTE: If anyone has a problem with any of the opinions expressed in this article, please feel free to contact me on Steam (ID: livinginatelevision), I promise I will listen to you berate me entirely.

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