Aaron's back with more plans for your day...

I have the theme from Gremlins stuck in my head and it’s all your fault!

What better way to celebrate Christ’s Birthday (Observed) than with a full day’s programming of movies that have nothing to do with Him? I figure we’ll get to that next year on Christ’s Deathday (Observed); for now, these flicks of love, gratitude and a whole spectrum of other heartwarming words will have to suffice.

8:00 AM - It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) - 130 min

It’s a movie everybody’s seen! Or at least that used to be the case. I’m old and cognizant enough to remember the clichéd time when It’s a Wonderful Life was shown on seemingly every channel, round-the-clock from Thanksgiving to Christmas Day, but even though that ended roughly fifteen to twenty years ago, the stereotype remains. These days, I think less and less people have actually seen the film, and if this most misleading of trailers is any indication, even less will in the future.

10:15 AM - Miracle on 34th St (1947) - 96 min

This list is going to contain several movies I grew up watching because my mother is a hard-line sentimentalist and the holidays are a perfect opportunity for her to foist quality pap on her loved ones. Kidding aside, this is a classic (like many in these lists) and good for the morning warm-up to fare people actually want to see.

12:00 PM - One Hour for Lunch

1:00 PM - A Christmas Story - 94 min

In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll tell you a secret...

I haven’t actually seen this movie all the way through. I mean, I get why people love it: it’s loaded with infinitely relatable holiday maladies and family messages, but for some odd reason, I kind of find it tiresome and kitschy-in-that-boring-way. Still, people do love it and that makes this a crowd-pleaser.

2:45 PM - A Child’s Christmas in Wales (1987) - 55 min

Part of any marathon should be exposing viewers to a few things they might never heard of. I’d never seen this adaptation of Dylan Thomas’ poem (featuring Indiana Jones’ Denholm Elliott) or even heard of it until last Christmas, but it’s a cozy little TV movie in the Christmas Story mold and I can think of worse ways to soak up an hour on Christmas Day.

3:45 PM - Fifteen Minute Break

4:00 PM - Scrooged (1988) - 101 min

I don’t have to talk this up or explain what it is - its merits are already well-known and widely disseminated.

5:45 PM - Bad Santa (2003) - 91 min

Another font of personal memes (“Well, they can’t all be winners,” among others), Terry Zwigoff’s most accessible entry in his limited filmography contains what is probably Billy Bob Thornton’s most memorable role and also features excellent turns by Tony Cox, John Ritter and Bernie Mac. Now is a good time for the drinking to begin... if it hasn’t already.

7:30 PM - One Hour for Dinner

8:30 PM - A Christmas Carol (1984) - 100 min

This is not only my favorite adaptation of A Christmas Carol, it’s also my go-to Christmas movie in general. I’ve been watching this damn near annually since 1984 and I still get chills when the Ghost of Christmas Present produces Ignorance and Want from beneath his robes. It probably helps that I’m always drunk when I watch it.

This version was filmed in England in the dead of winter, lending it the proper Gothic Dickensian / Victorian vibe most adaptations of the story miss entirely. George C Scott gives an incredible Scrooge and is supported by a slew of the best British character actors of the day, with David Warner, Edward Woodward and Roger Rees showing up beside at least a half-dozen other easily recognizable others.

10:10 PM - Twenty Minute Break

10:30 PM - Love Actually - 135 min

I don’t care if you think it’s naff, I love this movie! I do feel sufficiently ashamed of its role as the genesis of Garry Marshall’s current Lincoln Log of holiday films, though. This has become one of those TNT holiday staples, but I think you’re better off watching it on disc, with the boobs and questionable dialogue intact.

12:45 AM - Die Hard (1988) - 131 min

“Now I have a machine gun, too... Ho Ho Ho.”

3:00 AM - Tokyo Godfathers (2003) - 92 min

One of Satoshi Kon’s later films, Tokyo Godfathers eschews much of his penchant for surrealism in favor of warming hearts. Japan has an odd relationship with Christmas, but this movie hits all the right notes and should be the perfect accompaniment to the waning attention spans of your guests.

5:00 AM - Gremlins - 106 min

Yeah, Chris Columbus is a hack and Joe Dante couldn’t direct his way out of a nutsack, but Gremlins is still a good movie, probably due to Spielberg’s still-Midas Touch of the time period. By the way, I don’t mean to say she’s not still a fine-lookin’ woman (cause she is), but I forgot how absurdly hot Phoebe Cates was back then. Come back to us, Phoebe!