Stop me if you've heard this one before, because I sure have...

During this week's Disney Expo, also known as D23, the studio giant did what it does best - advertise its patented, sort-of creepy, brand of media magic through the subliminal suggestion that they, and they alone, are responsible for fomenting childlike wonder. Whether you subscribe to that kind of advertising or not, it's no argument that Disney/Pixar is immensely powerful in the worlds of television and film and that the company's every upcoming project attracts widespread speculation and attention.

So it was no surprise that Disney's D23 team filled the Expo slate with a goodly number of teases to tantalize its rabid attendees. One was a vague allusion to an upcoming film that will supposedly feature dinosaurs and humans living together in present day (title suggestions: Opposite Flintstones, Triassic Park). Another was the announcement that the Monsters Inc. prequel Monsters University has officially been scheduled to premiere on June 21, 2013 (after the Mayan Apocalypse? Sure that's wise, Disney?)

But the generally-agreed-upon winner of the 'biggest news coming out of D23' award is a fairly-detailed plot synopsis of Brave, Pixar's next major animated feature, due to be released on June 22, 2012. For those of you entirely unfamiliar with the upcoming title, or those of you who want to know more, read on, care of Pixar Planet...

"Since ancient times, stories of epic battles and mystical legends have been passed through the generations across the rugged and mysterious Highlands of Scotland. In Brave, a new tale joins the lore when the courageous Merida (voice of Kelly Macdonald) confronts tradition, destiny and the fiercest of beasts.

Merida is a skilled archer and impetuous daughter of King Fergus (voice of Billy Connolly) and Queen Elinor (voice of Emma Thompson). Determined to carve her own path in life, Merida defies an age-old custom sacred to the uproarious lords of the land: massive Lord MacGuffin (voice of Kevin McKidd), surly Lord Macintosh (voice of Craig Ferguson) and cantankerous Lord Dingwall (voice of Robbie Coltrane). Merida’s actions inadvertently unleash chaos and fury in the kingdom, and when she turns to an eccentric old Witch (voice of Julie Walters) for help, she is granted an ill-fated wish. The ensuing peril forces Merida to discover the meaning of true bravery in order to undo a beastly curse before it’s too late.

Directed by Mark Andrews and Brenda Chapman, and produced by Katherine Sarafian, Brave is a grand adventure full of heart, memorable characters and the signature Pixar humor enjoyed by audiences of all ages. The film takes aim at theaters on June 22, 2012, and will be presented in Disney Digital 3D™ in select theaters.

A grand adventure full of heart, memorable characters and signature Pixar humor, Brave uncovers a new tale in the mysterious Highlands of Scotland where the impetuous Merida (voice of Kelly Macdonald) defies an age-old custom and inadvertently unleashes chaos, forcing her to discover the meaning of true bravery before it’s too late."

Siiiiiigh... A Disney main character is 'impetuous' and chafes against the accepted and established social norms? No way! That's about as fresh as the carton of eggs in my fridge that expired in 2008. Now I don't want to get all Armond White on this synopsis, and I love the possibilities of the Scottish Highlands setting and all... but that right there is how the public is sucked into watching these films. The setting is starting to overtake the actual plot when it comes to the reason for watching Pixar movies. Honestly, does this not sound like pretty much every Disney/Pixar animated feature EVER MADE? I know that's a bit of an exaggeration, but come on! Do they just have a huge poster of a generic 'Hero's Journey' plot layout from the 1940s at Pixar headquarters for the screenwriters to take notes from? Because what the hell, if it ain't broke, don't fix it? The story never changes, just the locations.

I know that it's a tired complaint, and granted, this is the first Pixar film that will have a heroine as a main character, so it's about time that happened. But how often can one studio make the EXACT SAME STORY, transport it into different settings, and get away with it? The answer is "as many times as Pixar can create 90+ minutes of pretty pictures". Despite its first-ever trip to Flop Town earlier this year, Pixar still probably stands at the top when you think of high-profile studio success. And it is because of that polished reputation that Brave will undoubtedly gross $500 million worldwide, easy. Hold on a second, I need to go turn off my "the money is all that matters" broken record...

Okay, I'm back. So maybe you don't believe the truth of my complaint or think it's all much ado about nothing. Let's play a quick, little game and we'll see if I can't change your mind... Think about Disney/Pixar films that fit this scenario - the main character is a 'fish out of water' in the beginning of the story, feels like he/she is out of place, and dreams of being part of something greater. An adventure suddenly presents itself, invariably attached to a new love interest and/or new cast of eccentric characters. Through various situations of peril, the main character discovers strength inside himself/herself, beats the bad guy and/or finds acceptance, and achieves true happiness. The end.

Got all that? That description is as generic as it gets, but Disney/Pixar has been making Grand Canyons full of money for ages by Keeping It Simple, Stupid. The Disney movies that I can think of JUST OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD that exactly fit, or nearly fit, that above plot are: Dumbo, Bambi, The Sword in the Stone, The Jungle Book, The Black Cauldron, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, A Bug's Life, and Ratatouille. ALL of those films are the same film, when you strip them down to their barest stories. Dumbo is 'stock story at the circus'. Bambi is 'stock story in the forest'. The Little Mermaid? 'Stock story in the ocean'. And so on.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm really NOT trying to make it sound like I hate Pixar or their films. I honestly don't. I own several of them and would like to own more. But I don't think we should pretend that they're anything beyond what they are - serviceable, but largely-unoriginal, stories that look astoundingly beautiful. Way before I was born, Walt and his boys at Disney tapped into a really primal and meaningful archetype, dumbed it down, prettified it, and became zillionaires. No harm in that, but nobody is about to accuse Mickey's empire of being avant-garde, or even particularly inspired. There may be a time where Disney breaks the mold and does something wholly and outrageously different, but for now it doesn't have much of a reason to, considering the size of its bank accounts. And let's face it - these movies are largely for kids and kids don't exactly demand well-rounded characters and realistic scenarios. So whether you feel like bitching about this kind of thing (like I often do) or you don't, Brave certainly doesn't appear to be the start of a new direction. But you'll probably see it anyway. And I probably will, too.

See also:

Auteur This: Aggressive Mediocrity

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