Is there any real glamour beyond the stale confines of the water cooler..?

Oh, the drab life of the average blue collar working man (or woman). We go to work, spend long hours working hard to bring home enough to money to ensure that our families can enjoy a life better than we had, all for the reward of hoping our children make the best of what we’ve given them and hopefully retire to a life of honey-do lists and the hope we won’t end up in a retirement home. It’s no wonder we spend some of the spare free hours we get watching movies and television, where we can escape our own lives for a few moments. And more often than not, we are given the impression that there are more exciting career choices out there - and we ignore that they are usually romanticized views of these professions...

10. Military

If movies have taught us anything, it’s that the military teaches you to truly be an “Army-of-one”. The action films of the 80s and early 90s featured former military personnel having to use the skills they honed after years in the military to take out small armies of bad guys who kidnapped their loved one, are planning a terrorist act, or any other evil deed that may seem un-American at the time. No matter what branch they served in (although in true action film spirit, they were typically an Army Ranger or Navy SEAL), they were trained in every large and small firearm, every martial art, and can turn any household items into a weapon better than McGyver ever could.

The Truth:
Both of my parents and a lot of my friends have served in the military, and all this is pretty far-fetched. Unless you are a part of one of those special groups, your education is all about marching, making beds, mopping, and making sure your shirt is tucked in properly. There are those folks that get taught how to kill a man with a paperclip, but for the most part, you’re not going to become an unstoppable killing machine.

9. Computer Technician

You’re the guy that that everyone comes to when they have a problem. The action star knows how to kill numerous enemies, but he needs you to do the tech stuff. You can use your skills to break into high security government facilities, unlock coded discs that have vital information, get around secured systems and firewalls, and when it’s all done, you can deplete the bad guy’s bank accounts and leave a nasty virus on his computer system. This is all done when you’re not uncovering assassination plots and shady government goings-on.

The Truth:
Having worked in the tech world, I can tell you that Office Space and Dilbert are about as close to real life as it gets. You sit in a cubicle and stare at a screen for hours on end just to have your boss, his boss, their boss, and everyone over them come in wanting to either yell at you for checking your personal email on company time or to re-explain how to attach pictures of their vacation to their personal emails. And at the end of the day, eyes and back sore from sitting at your desk, you go home to find that someone with more time on their hands has hacked your credit card. Because when your people do have those skills, they would rather use it to make your life hell.

8. Doctor

You took the Hippocratic Oath to save lives, heal the sick, and help those who couldn’t help themselves. You may be a surgeon who is the at the top of their field, or a physician who spends their free time working in free clinics or treating the sick overseas, or even an oncologist who has finally found that elusive cure for all cancers. Or maybe you’re a rebel diagnostician who is sought out because you’re the only one who can solve a medical mystery. You have the respect of those around you, and you drive a BMW.

The Truth:
After 7 or more years of college, you start your residency at a hospital where you are at the bottom of the totem pole. When you’re not seeing patients, you’re changing bedpans. Patients show you about as much respect as they do they show the kids serving burgers at McDonald’s. And after you’ve worked a month of 18-hour shifts, you go home to your apartment and figure out how to buy groceries with the $20 that’s left after you’ve made your student loan payments.

7. Musician

You could be a rocker, a classical pianist, a jazz player, or just playing with your buddies once a week in jam sessions. All that matters is, in the movies, people gravitate toward those who play music. You could be the kid that no one hangs out with, but put a guitar in your hands, and suddenly every hot girl in school is giving you their number. Everybody loves you.

The Truth:
While I will admit, I have gotten a few people to pay attention to me because I’m a musician, there’s a lot of hard work that goes into being one. You have to spend a lot of time finding gigs, you have to load your own gear, and there aren’t any groupies throwing themselves at you after the show. And then there are struggles with band mates, setting up practices around work schedules, and the constant dodging of everyone who exists merely to get money out of you while pretending to be helping you.

6. Writer

Writers in movies enjoy near rock star status. Whether they have written a historical epic, a fantasy novel, a horror story, a book of poetry or even a self-help book, they are held in high esteem by all. People from all walks of life look up to them and they live like kings, eating at the best restaurants and getting into exclusive clubs. The world is their oyster.

The Truth:
While there are a handful of writers who have reached that status in the real world, most people couldn’t care less who they are. Typically writers only really get that sort of love and respect from fans of their genre. Zane Grey fans aren’t going to go out of their way to get Neil Gaiman’s autograph, and most literature professors aren’t eager to have their students read the latest Timothy Zahn novel. Stephen King and J.K. Rowling may be living the good life, but history has shown us that far too many writers never get their due. And as one who knows, the fear of the dreaded blank sheet is enough to scare the best of them.

5. Used Book Store Owner

Books are treasures, holding a mystery until one opens the cover. Intellectuals walk into your store everyday to look for long forgotten troves of stories and to have long philosophical conversations about everything from politics to history to art. And every now and then, some curious young person happens upon a dusty book you’ve had locked away which takes them on a magical journey to a far away world.

The Truth:
If you’re still open for business, it’s only because there are still some who don’t want to be seen in the new Barnes & Noble Superstore with the built-in Starbucks. You are lucky to sell more than a handful of books a day, because everyone that isn’t at the bigger stores owns a digital reader. Your clientèle consists mainly of people looking for old out-of-print paperbacks and Harlequin novels and young couples buying old-looking books for home décor. And unless you start serving coffee or offering Wi-Fi service, you’re not paying your bills.

4. Thief

Jewels, art, priceless artifacts, and even casino riches are all there for the taking, and you’re just the sort of person that can get the job done. Whether it’s just you or your crack team of like-minded individuals who enjoy the thrill of the heist and the big pay out, you look for the next opportunity to prove that you’re the best there is when it comes to acquiring things that aren’t yours. You’ll never be caught, and if you are, you won’t do any time because nothing can be linked to you. You’re incredibly clever, speak several languages, and are a master of disguise.

The Truth:
The closest you’ve come to pulling off a heist is when you slipped a candy bar in your pocket at the store. While there have been a few perfect crimes in history, the chances of you planning to rob a casino or steal a priceless Van Gogh is about as likely as me being crowned King. And whether you have one associate or a dozen, it won’t matter, because there isn’t any honor amongst thieves. Someone is going to talk, usually with alcohol involved. And as soon as they do, you had better either find a good lawyer or a way to a country where they don’t extradite felons. And pay for that candy bar next time.

3. Espionage

Let’s face it, when it comes to the coolest of the cool, it’s James Bond, hands down. There isn’t an adversary he can’t defeat, there isn’t a woman he can’t bed, and he never met a Martini he didn’t like. The life of a spy is one of danger, but also one where you get to play with some really cool gadgets. With a gun, knife, or your bare hands, you are a killing machine, and you’ve proven it time and again.

The Truth:
While there’s probably a lot that isn’t publicly known about what those government agencies do, it’s a pretty good guess that you aren’t given a license to kill. In fact, most spies who have lived long enough to tell their tales relate long stays in unfriendly countries, living double lives and collecting information. No missile-launching cars, no beautiful women with double entendre names, just going day-to-day trying to blend in with everyone else and hope that nobody discovers who you are and lock you up - or worse.

2. Law Enforcement

You’re a hard nosed police detective who plays by your own rules. You solved the murder of a little girl and brought down most of the city’s politicians in the process. You single-handedly brought several warring street gangs to justice and stopped the flow of illegal drugs into town, making parks and playgrounds safe. People cheered when you shot a rapist instead of arresting him, and you stopped a group of human traffickers.

The Truth:
I hope you like paperwork, because it is going to be your best friend. Your life now means cruising around looking for people speeding and not wearing seat belts and cars with burned out bulbs. The closest you may get to beating down a bad guy is possibly getting into fisticuffs with a drunk you’re escorting out of a bar for being unruly. You’ve probably never had to draw your gun, and if you do have to fire it, remember how many shots you fired because it will go into your report which will be scrutinized by everyone. And hope you never have to actually use force against a perp, because you will wind up in court on charges of police brutality.

1. Record Store Owner

As a young adult, I thought that owning my own record store would be one of the coolest possible careers ever. I spent enough of my time in them growing up, talking music with the guys behind the counter and hanging out with people who were into the same things I was into. There were new and used records, CDs and cassettes by bands that I had ever heard of, demos from indie bands and the chance to talk business with other musicians. And in the movies, these places always seemed like a party waiting to happen.

The Truth:
The technological revolution has made the record store a thing of the past. While music lovers once spent hours searching the aisles for songs they loved or to discover new bands via suggestions from a helpful clerk, they now simply download songs they want to their iPods. What few music stores are still open are big name retail shops that blast the latest Lady Gaga song while you spend an hour trying to find the one four foot section that has any music that isn’t top 40 fare, only to find that the CD you’re looking for isn’t there, and the kid working the counter rolls their eyes at you when they tell you that they’ve never heard of the band you’re looking for, and tells you to download the song like everyone else.

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