Charles Dance makes an impression, but we're not sure about the low-rent sleaze...

“You Win Or You Die”

Consistent with the strength of the recent episodes, “You Win Or You Die” is an almost perfect addition to this too-short season. Opening with our long-awaited introduction to Tywin Lannister, father of Jaime, Tyrion and Cersei, Tywin lived up to expectations as a ruthless, powerful warrior. Instructing Jaime to step up and take the fight to the Starks with thirty thousand troops while calmly skinning a deer and waxing lyrical about legacy, this feels like just the tip of the iceberg that Tywin can bring to the fold. Although not bald (something rather characteristic of Tywin in the novels), Charles Dance managed to embody Tywin Lannister in every other way possible. Although I’d always imagined Tywin as Patrick Stewart having a really bad day, with a cold blank stare and an iron fist, Dance is certainly a worthy second-best. It was also interesting to see Jaime squirming for the first time in the entire series under the thousand-yard stare of his father, apparently the only man who can inspire fear in the Kingslayer.

As complex and rich as the world of the Seven Kingdoms is, the writers of the show still seem to find it necessary to laboriously attempt to explain just who certain characters are. The scene between Theon and Osha didn’t establish anything other than Theon’s childish need for respect and to once again tell us at Theon is not a Stark. Being that he’s in Winterfell it’s understandable how this might be confusing for some fans uninitiated with the books, but if the writers tell us one more time that Theon is not a Stark, I think my head may just explode. Seriously, we get it.

And then there’s the scene where Littlefinger inexplicably tells us his life story and instructs a pair of whores on the finer details of seduction. There are two main issues with this scene. First of all, it felt completely out of character for Littlefinger, a master schemer whose goals not even hardcore fans on their sixth re-read of the series can work out, yet here he is, quite bluntly saying he wants “everything” and even telling us how he’s going to do it. Simply put, it feels as though the writers are not crediting Littlefinger with the intelligence he so clearly possesses in the novels, and even seem to be dumbing him down to some extent.

"Really, does anyone in the world actually find this stuff sexy? If there are people out of there who actually enjoy this kind of stuff enough to watch a TV show for it, humanity needs to be put down"

Second, the gratuitous, over the top and entirely unnecessary girl on girl action. Granted, you couldn’t just have Littlefinger in a room talking to himself (however much his monologue may have felt like a poor attempt at an Al Swearengen-esque soliloquy), but the tits, arse and legs on display felt like a very cheap ploy by HBO to garner either ratings, controversy or both. Really, does anyone in the world actually find this stuff sexy? If there are people out of there who actually enjoy this kind of stuff enough to watch a TV show for it, humanity needs to be put down. Period. That said, I suspect it’s some terrible ill-conceived notion by the producers and studio execs that the old advertising credence holds true: sex sells, where in fact very few members of the audience find it appealing. Perhaps HBO are aware of this. Perhaps they are being ironic. But I doubt it.

Across the Narrow Sea, Dany manages to win Drogo over, vowing to rape and pillage the Seven Kingdoms into oblivion and deliver the Iron Throne to his khaleesi. Somehow I doubt that’s quite what Dany meant when she said she wanted to reclaim her kingdom, but don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. The best thing about this turn of events is, it’s thanks to Robert’s assassination order and Ser Jorah’s saving Dany that’s lead to the now guaranteed invasion. Wow, way to go in preventing  war, Robert.

The writers have done an excellent job of making King Robert Baratheon an absolute bastard with almost no redeeming qualities, and while not anyone’s favourite, Robert is nonetheless likable in the books despite, or perhaps because of, his stubbornness. However much he screwed up, you couldn’t really claim he wasn’t well intentioned. In the TV show though, he was almost entirely unlikable and his final scene felt somewhat underwhelming given the gravity of the events it leads up to. And now it’s war. The writing of Robert’s character may have been compromised, but Mark Addy’s valuable contribution to the show will be missed.

The absence of Bran, Sansa, Arya and Tyrion was definitely felt this week, particularly for the last two who are the fan favourites in both the novels and the TV series by a country mile. Here’s hoping they make a triumphant return next week.

"It’s hard to know whether to admire Ned, pity him, or just hit him over the head"

The real crux of this week’s events took place in King’s Landing, though, as everything went to the Seven Hells in a handbasket. Oh dear. Well, Ned, you had it coming, son. Eddard Stark, perhaps the most honourable man in the realm, has been duped, sucker punched and played like a cheap violin. And then had the strings broken. Ned has never shied away from the role of honourable fool, a position he’s played to the hilt. In this episode, Ned made a series of highly questionable blunders that only resulted in him getting the exact opposite result of what he wanted. And all for ‘honour’. In case you hadn’t realised, in Game of Thrones, honour is the currency of fools, lackwits and the good guys. And Ned has certainly paid the price for it.

First, he confronted Cersei about her brother-loving antics, her illegitimate children and then actually advised her to go as far away as she could. Then, he has a chat with Renly about the line of succession in an open corridor, and Renly sensibly suggests kidnapping Joffrey before Cersei has time to act, but Ned refuses. Sigh. Hasn’t he learned anything about Varys and his little birds? Finally, he goes to Littlefinger, who he confides everything in and abjectly ignores his advice. It’s hard to know whether to admire Ned, pity him, or just hit him over the head. Who knows how he manages to continue to believe that everyone in the world is as decent as he is. You would think that his brief but educational time in King’s Landing would teach him something, but he’s as stubbornly valiant as ever, neglecting to fall to what he no doubt believes is Cersei’s low-level. And ultimately, it costs him. It costs him big. When Littlefinger tells Ned the City Watch is bought and paid for, Ned believes him and ends up with Littlefinger’s knife around his throat. And what does Littlefinger say? “I did warn you not to trust me.” Well, yes, yes you did.

And Ned called Robert a damned fool. Tch.

See also:

Game of Thrones S1E7 recap

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