Be careful what you sell your sister for ... you just might get it!

'A Golden Crown'

Summary: Lord Ned is wounded and Jaime is on the run. Between his wife kidnapping the Imp, and sending her brother-lover fleeing, I bet Lord Ned is Queen Cersei's personal favourable at the moment. Speaking of the Imp, Tyrion is still imprisoned in the Eyrie, but makes a desperate bid for freedom: winner take all. Daenerys embraces the Khaleesi within by completing some yummy Dothraki pre-birth rituals; her crazy-eyed brother finally gets what he's been asking for (in all senses, that phrase is true.)

Lord Ned awakens back at the castle; Cersei wants revenge for Tyrion's kidnapping and Jaime's fleeing the city. Lord Ned demands justice in turn for Jaime killing his men; but Robert is too far in debt to the Lannisters to hold Jaime accountable, and reinstates Ned as the Hand. And as the responsible ruler that he is, as things start to fall apart, he goes hunting and leaves Ned in charge. On the throne, a peasant describes the pillaging of a village by Gregor Clegane (the Mountain, who works for the Lannister family) but he does it in disguise, and blames it on Lady Cat's family. Lord Ned sends Lord Beric to bring King's Justice to Gregor Clegane and strip him of his knighthood. (Which earns him the medieval equivalent of a 'daaaaaaaaaaaaamn, son!' from Littlefinger and Grand Maester Flash.) He goes one step further and sends a raven to Lord Tywin Lannister (Cersei, Jaime and Tyrion's dad) demanding his presence in King's Landing. Basically, Lord Ned starts a war while the King is out hunting boar with Renly. When he goes to send the girls home, Sansa objects, and says, "(Joffrey) is nothing like that fat old drunk!"; and in a puff of long-overdue logic, Lord Ned finally realises that Joffrey is Jaime Lannister's son, not Robert's.

Bran gets his special saddle to ride, and Theon presses Robb to take revenge against the Lannisters; Robb reminds him again that Theon's a second-class citizen in Winterfell. I've got to think that will be important at some point... they bring it up at least once per episode. Wildings try to steal Bran's horse and get good and killed for their effort, all except the girl. (Hi, Tonks!) Theon saves Bran's life, but nobody thanks him for it. That's just rude, people.

Tyrion tries to bribe his jailer, but has a difficult time convincing him of the more 'abstract qualities of possession.' He comes before the court to confess his crimes; which include lying, cheating, gambling, and whoring. He also confesses to masturbating into turtle soup (he describes it as 'making the bald man cry'; a throwback to the little boy's demands to 'make the bad man fly' which result in 'making the recap girl spit wine out of her nose') and sincerely hoping Cersei ate some. It's a disgusting and hilarious ploy to escape the sky cell and get a hearing in front of the court. Tyrion confesses that he has no knowledge of the murder of Jon Arryn, or attempted murder of Bran Stark; but when he demands justice, Lady Lysa and her son get super disturbingly excited by the prospect of throwing him out the Moon Door. Between the Moon Door and the bloodthirsty, breastfeeding freak on the throne, the Eyrie is giving me the wiggins. Tyrion demands a champion and gets Bronn, the sell-sword from the road. After an awesome swordfight, Bronn wins; and Tyrion wins, but still pays the jailer, because a Lannister 'always pays his debts'. I wonder when Lady Lysa and her son can expect to be paid.

Daenerys places a petrified dragon egg on the fire in her grill, but when she pulls it out her hands are magically not burnt. Then it's lunchtime and she ordered her horse heart rare. Dany has to eat an entire horse heart in front of the Dothraki hordes and when she does, they announce that she's bearing a boy, the Khal of Khals, Rhaego. Viserys is stunned to find that the Dothraki actually love Daenerys, so he tries to steal her dragon eggs but gets chased off by Ser Jorah. Crazy Eyes disappears, apparently to a bar, because he comes back all drunk, and super angry. Viserys thinks it's okay for him to threaten the unborn Khal, demanding the crown he was promised in exchange for Dany, because the Dothraki are prohibited from shedding blood in their sacred city. Khal Drogo promises Viserys a golden crown that men shall tremble to behold. He stands up, melts his belt, and pours molten gold all over Viserys' head, killing him instantly and horribly. The Khaleesi watches calmly and responds, "He was not the dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon."

Eating horse hearts and golden crowns aside ... this was still a super disturbing episode. The Eyrie freaks me out like you wouldn't believe. Winter is coming, war is on the way, and people are dying left and right in creative and horrible ways. I can't wait to see what happens next! Over halfway through the season, episode six of ten, and it feels like the momentum is increasing with every episode.

See also:

Game of Thrones S1E6 review

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS ARTICLE, PLEASE HELP SUPPORT OUR SITE, AT NO COST WITH ONE CLICK ON THE FACEBOOK 'LIKE' BUTTON BELOW: