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Fan stakes self after taking quote out of context

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What a crazy random happenstance…

Spike

Xander Washburne met Joss Whedon last week, where the writer was said to have quipped about plans to “kill off every character” he’d ever written in one big crossover event. The fan was later found impaled in what was presumably an homage to [edited for spoilers]’s death, next to a note on which was scrawled simply “Life Is The Big Bad”.

Following the encounter with Joss Whedon, Xander Washburne reportedly exclaimed “Curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal!”, and then tried to erase his memory using the Dollhouse technology, only to discover that it was destroyed when Fox cancelled Dollhouse.

His friends were taken aback, even though he’d reportedly suffered from depression after recently watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Six. Angel McDonald said: “We tried telling him about the emotional resonance of it all, the cathartic parallels with life, and the humour (Come on, Spike gambles with kittens and then gets chased by a loan shark who’s actually a walking shark!  How can you not find that funny?), but he just wouldn’t listen. It was as if the Gentlemen from Hush had stolen our voices.”

The others continued:

Anya Reynolds: “He was like a Slayer who'd lost the will to live or something. He’d been acting weird, wearing Hawaiian shirts and jumping off tables and stuff.”

Laurence Doyle: “Well, at least he didn’t turn to dust, so we know he wasn’t a vampire…”

Merle Rosenberg: “Yeah, but remember he used to walk about in the sunshine without the Ring of Amara, so we already knew that.”

Billy Cobb: “What about the cufflinks he always wore? The Cufflinks of Amara?”

Tara DeWitt: “That’s a myth…”

Another friend, Drusilla Summers, was in shock. “He’s gone. There was no comforting voiceover, no inspiring Christophe Beck score, he’s just gone. It’s just so…numbing. And I won’t feel…a thing…”

Wesley Womack was less verbose, responding simply with a pained “Grr Arrrgh.”

When things get rough, Xander Washburne’s friends just hide behind their Buffy, trying try to deal with the loss by watching The Body in a constant loop. According to Topher Harris, “It’s such a brilliant episode, but also so emotionally raw. I don’t know if it’s awesome or depressing, or awesomely depressing, or depressingly awesome, but it’s certainly something.” Saffron Holtz added, “If The Body gets too much, we’ll take a break, watch Beer Bad—which is actually hilarious—and then go back to The Body again.”

The words "Let this be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture, but one thing remains clear: always check the context before acting rashly.

See also:

Joss Whedon announces special editions of all his shows, undoing every character death


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