Why do I wear a cape? Oh, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future...

"Scales on a Train"

So this episode is entitled, “Scales on a Train”. Which makes me sad about two missed opportunities for quoting movies: the first, “Get these m’fing scales off this m’fing train.” The second, when Fleming asks the Cape, “Who are you?” and doesn’t follow up with “I must know,” only to hear, “Get used to disappointment.”

Because that would be awesome. And this show is not.

In this episode, Orwell and Faraday intend to film Fleming/Chess on the super-swanky Mardi Gras costume ball train. Unfortunately, the carnies have remembered that they are criminals (oh yeah!) and they are planning on robbing the train as well. Then, when the Cape tells Scales that Fleming is Chess, Scales decides to go on the train as well. Wackiness ensues. Scales tries to get a job from the mayor and by blackmailing Fleming, but when he reveals that Fleming is Chess everyone just laughs. Scales responds not by saying, “Don’t… call me STUPID!” (ooh, a third perfect movie quote! This can't be coincidence!) but by holding up the train. During the robbery, the train’s brakes are knocked out and the Cape and Fleming have to work together to save the passengers.And at home, it’s Trip’s 10^th birthday. He’s smart enough not to let his mom’s boss into their apartment when he’s there alone; but not smart enough to figure out that the Cape is actually his dad.

And there were a few awesome moments. My favorite: the Cape confronts Scales down on the docks, and informs him that Fleming is Chess. First, he has to point out that Scales was down on the docks, doing a deal with Chess several days after Chess’ highly-publicized death by exploding train. He has to point that out. Then, when he steers Scales toward the masquerade train for the elite, and Scales wonders why he’s out of the elite party loop, the Cape calls him a “blue-collar, public school” boy. Now, public school is different in the US than it is in the UK, granted. But the Cape called Vinnie Jones, THE Vinnie Jones, a public school boy. Best. Cape Moment. Ever.

The obligatory fight on the roof of the train was great, too, because if you hadn’t guessed, it would be really hard to fight with a cape on the roof of a train. Wind. And the carnies end up taking all of Scales’ money and taunting him mercilessly. Carnie crime is on the rise, but carnie subtlety is on the decline. And Scales ends up in a cage, where we get a flashback of him being caged as a child, and apparently he’s been taunted by midgets his entire life. I don’t think we actually needed a flashback to assume that Scales had some issues growing up. I mean, his name is Scales. Kids can be cruel, but they can also be super-creative.

Wouldn’t it be gross if Fleming hit on Orwell, since she’s totally his daughter? Wasn’t there way too much eye contact while Fleming was fixing the train’s brakes? I wasn’t sure if they were going to fight or kiss. It felt like watching Xander and Cordy in early Season 3 Buffy reruns.

There are some actual high points to the show, that are truly enjoyable. After the pilot was on, several astute readers pointed out that 1) the girls are gorgeous. No lie, Summer Glau, Izabella Miko, even Vince's wife Jennifer Ferrin would individually be enough to carry the show. Together, it's possible they will get the Emmy for prettiest cast. 2) The carnival workers are super fun to watch. They are easily the best part of the show. So the premise is a bit weak, really, the Cape? But get past that and there are some good points. There are also some ridiculously stupid parts; they called Vinnie Jones a public school boy, that's just weak. But there's enough to tune in next week, if only for the laughs. Just don't be upset if we're laughing at more than with, at this point.

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