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Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Blu-ray review

REVIEWS - BLU-RAY REVIEWS

Aaron finds that something bad doesn't get better in hi-def...

No better with extra pixels

So, the other day I got a promo disc for the second Wall Street movie. I was looking for an excuse to see the original anyway, so after watching that, I suffered through the sequel. If that wasn’t enough pain and wasted time, 20th Century Fox sent me the Blu-ray of this cinematic mishegoss, possibly in an attempt to make me stop requesting free movies.

To reiterate: this movie is an abscess in the anus of cinema. Do not watch it under any circumstance ever; just viewing the extras to write this review gave me the most shocking headache. I thought my skull and ass were simultaneously splitting open and, in a fit of subspatial agony, switching positions. If you want to witness the only thing this movie has going for it, Carey Mulligan’s performance, go watch An Education or Never Let Me Go; do not see this movie.

::ahem::

Now that’s done and we can continue with the extras. There was a commentary with director Oliver Stone which I did not listen to, as it would involve subjecting myself to the movie again, but I’ll assume it repeats ideas, opinions and information covered in the decent amount of featurettes included on this disc and mercifully left off the DVD.

“Conversation” (snarky quotes mine) with Michael Douglas, Carey Mulligan, Side-a TheBeef and Josh Brolin - Ostensibly a discussion between the main cast and the director, this featurette is actually just Stone, Douglas and Brolin chatting about money and finance instead of character, plot or theme. It thoroughly underscores that the point of the movie was not to watch characters interact and grow, facilitating a psychological interaction with a suckered audience, but rather to get across whatever points Oliver Stone wanted to make about the 2008 bank collapse. The characters exist solely as vehicles to deliver those points.

TheBeef doesn’t talk until about halfway through and then never speaks again, which is just as well, and Mulligan doesn’t get a word in until the thing is almost done. This featurette, like most of the others on the disc, is more about the actual subject of the movie (money) than the movie itself and sets the rest of the extras up for harsh criticism as well.

Money Money Money: The Rise and Fall of Wall Street - Three shorts babbling and self-fellating over the original film and how “important” it was. Look, Wall Street was a decent movie hamstrung by indifferent actors and an antagonist who wound up a bit too charismatic; it is by no means a classic or deserving of its praise or, in point of fact, this wholly craptastic sequel. I tuned out in the first thirty seconds when Entertainment Weekly’s film critic Owen Glieberman tried telling me Oliver Stone was some visionary, bucking trends by making a movie about current events when his major films have primarily involved the past (Platoon, JFK, Alexander).

A Tour of the “Street” - An honestly interesting short about the history and geography of lower Manhattan. Seriously, I was really paying attention to this.

Trends, Schemes and Economic Collapse: A Guide to Understanding Wall Street - I feel that anyone who got this far into the disc already knows this information because they’re the sort of people who care about the situations and events the movie is actually about.

15 Deleted and Extended Scenes with Optional Director’s Commentary - A monumental irrelevance, considering how I feel about the movie. Why in fuck would I want to see more of it?

Fox Movie Channel Presents “In Character With...” - A series of five shorts featuring the actors - gasp - talking about their characters. Can’t make me care, though, about characters in a movie that doesn’t give a shit about them.

Almost all of the extras are principally unconcerned with the movie in favor of the background events but are occasionally saved (if only momentarily) by how often and forcefully fans of Gordon Gekko are shit on by the cast and other commenters. It baffles them how the greedy shitpile of a villain is lionized and held up as something to be admired and is rightfully compared to Tony Montana as an icon of misplaced fandom stemming from twisted societal mores.

If, for some inconceivable reason, you liked this movie, I still wouldn’t suggest watching these extras. However, if you’re a financial analyst, go nuts - you probably have a framed poster from the original on your office wall. Everyone else... read a book.

Feature:

1 star

Extras:

2 stars

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is out now on Blu-ray


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