A creepy Who classic has lost none of its bite...

Holidays - I love ‘em. A whole week of sun, sea and sand with my wife for company and the chance to get away from bad weather, miserable faces and endless cups of tea. However, contrary to what you may think, as an analytical reviewer, I don’t spend my whole time analysing the whole holiday. How is it that a heap of metal can transport X amount of people to a far-away country? Why is the weather so much better? How comes the food and drink always taste that much better? So many questions. But no answers, since I just spend every moment enjoying the experience.

And that’s the best way to enjoy Pyramids Of Mars, the revered classic and one of the jewels in season 13’s crown. Because in theory, this story throws up so many questions and posers that it could even give Mr Logic a thumping headache. Why does Horus leave Sutekh with a handy potential get-out clause? Why not send Marcus Scarman’s cadaver back home where he wouldn’t cause as much fuss as Ibrahim Namin? Why does Sutekh have a hand underneath his bum?

"Everything comes together - the dialogue, the acting, the direction, the visuals, the location filming - to form a heady, gothic brew"

Break Pyramids Of Mars down in this way, and it doesn’t really stand up to much scrutiny. All the above questions can’t really be answered, but in the end, it doesn’t matter one bit. Pyramids Of Mars is all about the experience - a gripping, genuinely creepy four episodes of perfect Who. Everything comes together - the dialogue, the acting, the direction, the visuals, the location filming - to form a heady, gothic brew.

Pyramids Of Mars is Hinchcliffe’s and Holmes’ vision of Gothic, ballsy Doctor Who writ large. It takes its roots from the old Hammer Horror movies when some ancient evil is resurrected in a musty tomb. And sure enough, likeable professor Marcus Scarman gets more than he bargained for when he goes hunting about in an ancient Egyptian tomb. What I like about this sequence is that it’s practically forgotten about for the rest of the first part. We learn about Marcus’ mysterious disappearance and the fact that for some odd reason, an angry Egyptian called Ibrahim Namin has been chosen to bring back all of his belongings back to his house in Britain. But we never cut back to the tomb - it’s only in the next part when the spooky black-clad figure reveals himself to be Marcus that we find out what’s happened. It’s classic storytelling - keep your viewers interested with a defined hook.

And the ballsy attitude to Who really cements itself here in Pyramids Of Mars. All but one of the guest characters die horribly (although Ahmed is killed off too in Uncle Terrance’s adaptation) - the sort of decision that would leave Steven Moffat weeping into his computer keyboard. And I mean horribly. Forget the silly histrionics of the Planet Of Evil demises, this is the real deal. Most of the characters scream in genuine pain and terror. Namin’s agonised wailing at the end of part one as he’s scalded to death by the Servant Of Sutekh is chillingly realistic. Warlock is reduced from a bluff, determined adult into a terrified little boy in seconds as he scampers away ineffectually from a looming Mummy and screams his heart out. And of course poor old Ernie Clements becomes the unwilling filling in a Mummy Double Decker Sandwich. Nasty.

In the case of Laurence Scarman, there’s a sort of black irony at play here, since his death comes at the hands of his brother. And it’s kind of sad, since it almost looks as though Laurence’s pleas to Marcus to remember the man he once was works. “Laurence…. And Marcus….” frowns Marcus at an old photograph of the two brothers. “I… was… Marcus…” Inevitably though, Sutekh’s force reasserts itself, as he moves in for the kill. It really sums up the irony of Marcus’ character. He seems to be the man that everyone wants to see, and yet when he does turn up, he’s the bringer of death to everyone that crosses his path.

"The Doctor is definitely at his most aloof and alien in Pyramids Of Mars"

Still, The Doctor doesn’t seem that fussed about Laurence. After he and Sarah return to the Lodge, they find Laurence’s dead body - but while Sarah is genuinely shocked and saddened, The Doctor casually brushes the corpse aside with a flippant “His late brother must have called”. He even swats aside Sarah’s accusations of not caring aside. This sequence only highlights how alien The Doctor is. He chooses to look at the bigger picture, and focuses on the wholesale mass destruction that Sutekh will cause if he succeeds in freeing himself. It’s almost as if Laurence’s death is a minor nuisance, a pointless obstacle that could have been avoided if only he had heeded The Doctor’s warnings.

And The Doctor is definitely at his most aloof and alien in Pyramids Of Mars. It’s funny, we normally think of him as the happy-go-lucky, wise-cracking eccentric. But now and then in stories such as this, Logopolis and Horror Of Fang Rock, he’s one hell of a moody so and so. The Fourth Doctor clearly doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and poor old Laurence learns this the hard way. The Doctor berates him for proposing to get the police onto the problem, chides him for refusing to believe that his brother is a dead man walking and then totally flips at him for wrecking the one chance he has to defeat Sutekh. Even Sarah feels the force of The Doctor’s ire, such as when he’s sulking in the opening TARDIS scene. But all this is nicely tempered by odd outbursts of typical Tomfoolery (“It’s not all musty Sarah, some of it’s mummy”) and also an atypical burst of vulnerability.

Interestingly, whenever a Doctor acts like an arse in any episode, he normally gets a really painful time of it in the cliffhanger. Think of the third Doctor screaming at flames in The Mind Of Evil episode one. Or the sixth Doctor at death’s door at the end of the first part of Vengeance On Varos. And after shouting at Laurence in part three, the toothy one feels the full force of Sutekh’s anger at the end. It’s another example of The Baker Bellow, as The Doctor’s flung back against the wall of Sutekh’s tomb in a green blaze. But this is another example of the more adult style of storytelling that Hinchcliffe and Holmes were aiming for.

"This is one of Big Tom’s very best performances - he rams home the gravity of the situation through his intense performance"

Never mind that kids were left with the sight of The Doctor screaming like a girl for one whole week, the start of part four is just as psychologically freaky. It’s nothing new, admittedly - the third Doctor was mentally attacked by The Great One in Planet Of The Spiders, but Pyramids Of Mars takes this concept to new heights. It’s more prolonged and nastier - Sutekh tells The Doctor that his nervous system will be shredded into a million fibres if he doesn’t shut up. The Doctor is also ordered to his knees against his will, acting like some plaything for Sutekh (“Abase yourself, you grovelling insect!”). It’s a miracle that such terror can be achieved with two actors and a green spotlight, but both Gabriel Woolf and especially Tom Baker convey the intensity of the scene pitch perfectly. In fact, this is one of Big Tom’s very best performances - he rams home the gravity of the situation through his intense performance. Mind you, what’s up with his hair? It seems to grow by twice its size between parts two and three - stress is obviously an afro booster.

And this is also one of Elisabeth Sladen’s best performances. The relationship between The Doctor and Sarah is frostier than before, with Sarah standing up to The Doctor’s bad mood on more than one occasion (“Your shoes need repairing!”). But despite that, the affection and close bond between the two is obvious - Sarah breaks down in bitter sobs after The Doctor has apparently been strangled, while The Doctor sadly says: “Oh Sarah, I should never have brought you here” after she gets stuck in a giant drinking glass on Mars.

There’s not one bad performance in Pyramids Of Mars. Most of the small guest cast are bumped off before the end of part two, but every actor gives a committed performance, including Peter Copley as Warlock and Peter Mayock as the eerie Namin - a man that might actually have seen eye to eye with Matt Smith’s Doctor on account of his fez.

However, three top class players jostle for attention as the star of the show: Michael Sheard as Laurence. Bernard Archard as Marcus. And Gabriel Woolf as Sutekh. Sheard’s Laurence is a tragic figure from the get-go, and you can’t imagine a bigger contrast to Mr Bronson. Sheard makes Laurence a likeable figure, trusting and also just as hungry for knowledge as his brother. Look at the way he scurries round the TARDIS like a kid at his first Doctor Who Exhibition. Sheard also adds a great deal of poignancy to his final scene as Laurence, as he desperately seeks a way to his brother’s mind, although you suspect that at the back of his mind, he knows that it’s a futile gesture.

"It’s hard to be totally evil while just sitting around on your arse all the time, but Woolf’s icily nasty voice does the job"

Archard actually doesn’t get that much to do as Marcus. He’s either strutting up and down the old Priory with a permanent scowl or auditioning for Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody video in front of the Sutekh sarcophagus. And yet he perfectly conveys the feeling of a dead man walking - the unnatural shuffle that he does or the complete difference in speech from his opening chirpy enthusiasm to the slurred, distorted coldness. It’s a brilliant performance and just as memorable as Woolf’s Sutekh. It’s hard to be totally evil while just sitting around on your arse all the time, but Woolf’s icily nasty voice does the job. You genuinely feel that such a being could cause wanton destruction wherever he goes - although it’s a shame that Sutekh’s reduced to a Pipkins puppet at the end of the story.

Some commentators have noted that part four pales into insignificance when compared to the other three. I actually think it works very well. The aforementioned confrontation between The Doctor and Sutekh works brilliantly. The idea that The Doctor is possessed and then killed is just as psychologically brutal. And even if the Mars scenes are a bit reminiscent of Death To The Daleks (even Sarah agrees, and she wasn’t even in the Exxilon city), they’re still well paced and exciting, culminating in the creepy scene in which Marcus’ head turns into Sutekh’s green-eyed wolf visage to destroy the Eye Of Horus. And for gruesome death fans, they can at least take solace in the fact that Sutekh doesn’t release Marcus, but barbecues his body into a pile of skeletal ash. Sutekh really should go on Dragon’s Den. He’s a one-man inventor. He can torture people he doesn’t like. He can become a home-grown barbecue. He can even spy on anyone at anytime in anyplace, like he does in the first TARDIS scene. Clearly he had to keep himself occupied in that enforced exile.

"Paddy Russell’s direction is terrific, full of verve and action"

Pyramids Of Mars also benefits from a first class production. Paddy Russell’s direction is terrific, full of verve and action. Her location filming is really well done, the hot Spring day contrasting well with the dark gothic forces at work. The set designs are fabulous from Christine Ruscoe and add much to the period feel of the story. The effects are generally impressive, and the Mummies are another simple but effective monster. Like the Autons, they walk like humans but there’s no facial features to bounce off. And they also give the impression of enormous strength - no wonder the characters look horrified when they lumber into view. To cap it all off, Dudley Simpson provides one of his all-time great scores, the brass and woodwind contrasting perfectly with unusual keyboard stings to really cement the atmosphere. And that manic organ noise at the end of part one as Namin invokes the Servant of Sutekh really is the stuff of nightmares. Perhaps they should try this out in Songs Of Praise to test the reaction of the conveniently large dummy-like congregations, who really aren’t trying to get on TV, honest.

All in all, I can’t fault Pyramids Of Mars one bit. Maybe I should, given the holes in the script. But the quality of the script, acting and the perfectly executed atmosphere mean that the plot holes become an irrelevance - all that matters is the experience, and Pyramids really is one hell of an experience.

To paraphrase the baldy shouty man from Masterchef, Doctor Who doesn’t get much better than this.

John Bensalhia limbered up for this mammoth task with a full four-series review of Blake's 7, and writes professionally and recreationally all over the web. Check out his portfolio of work at Wordprofectors.

Check out John's previous Doctor Who review, Planet Of Evil