24 Ways to End 24
|LISTS - TV LISTS|
Beware of spoilers, as we speculate on Jack Bauer's downfall...
After eight gripping seasons, and no definite word on a possible movie, what better time than the end of this series to send Jack Bauer out with a bang. No doubt the writers have some good ideas, but have they thought of these…? (Contains Spoilers!)
00:01 Seething with anger at Renee’s death, Jack goes all out a la Liam Neeson in Taken on a one-man payback mission - ignoring orders, defying death and ….oh wait!
00:02 Jack and Chloe decide to quit their day jobs mid-mission and head off together into the sunset clutching a P45, a wad of cash and a really good bottle of wine.
00:03 Deciding that he has no luck with the ladies (they keep dying), Jack gives Cole a proposition in the locker room he finds hard to refuse!
00:04 Fed up with being the only man relied upon to save the day, Jack turns himself over to the Chinese again for the relative luxury of a brutal labour camp.
00:05 Going with the “If you can’t beat ‘em” motto, Jack goes to his dark side and turns bad, hijacking the nuclear rods and holding the world to ransom for – one million dollars!
00:06 Realising he’s nearly a day late for his flight to LA, Jack hops on the next red-eye and spends the rest of the day playing with his granddaughter and ignoring those calls from that pesky President Taylor.
00:07 Mad with years of torture, Jack begins hallucinating former President David Palmer, realises he can see dead people and that in fact he’s the only man left on earth in a post-apocalyptic world. Damn it!
00:08 Realising with his skills, he’s wasted his life when he could be living the high life on the NASCAR/F1 circuit, Jack buys a villa in Monte Carlo and wins every race in his first season.
00:09 Similarly, Jack enters the 2012 Olympics and wins Shooting Gold, probably because he’s shot any contestant who gets in his way.
00:10 Utilising the tech boys at CTU, Jack develops a time-machine, goes back 8 series and decides not to go out looking for Kim and settles down to that nice glass of wine with his wife. She’ll be okay.
00:11 Jack kills all the baddies and saves the day earlier than expected, spending the last few hours sipping buds and playing poker with President Taylor and that warden from Shawshank.
00:12 Realising he’s not eaten or visited the toilet in a day, Jack faints while taking a long-deserved rest stop and is found too late to stop the bad guys winning. Oh well.
00:13 Blinded by his own trigger-happy finger, Jack arrives at CTU for a “debriefing”, forgets where he is and blows away all those computer geek operatives before turning the gun on himself. No one seems to be doing much there anyway apart from Dana, and she was the bad one!
00:14 Tired and unsure what “debriefing” actually is, Jack starts to strip to his boxers and is arrested by Chloe for indecent exposure. Not before she’s had a good look though.
00:15 Jack is recruited by a construction company unsure how to control the flow of river water, but impressed with his response – “DAMN IT!”
00:16 Unaware the US has adopted Daylight saving, Jack works his butt off saving the day on time only to discover he forgot about the extra hour and it’s actually now 5pm! He decides to pitch “25” to the TV executives.
00:17 Having not really divulged how his and Kim’s “medical procedure” saved his life last season Jack appears on Oprah’s “I was given a 10% chance of survival, although there’s only a 5% chance of that” TV special.
00:18 Fed up with hiding his powers, Jack sinks his teeth into several villains using his Lost Boys character before realising blood doesn’t actually taste that good.
00:19 Chasing a terrorist through midtown Manhattan, Jack realises he’s not made use of his time in New York and settles down to watch a hit Broadway show.
00:20 With the movie green-lit, Jack realises he can’t be killed and indulges his wild side with a series of death-defying stunts to save the day that would terrify both Bond and Bourne.
00:21 With no one left from series 1 except Tony to keep some sort of continuity going, Jack busts his old pal out of prison and the pair reminisce over the past 8 seasons with a several cool frosty ones and a very bad headache.
00:22 Brought into the head villain’s lair Jack is surprised to see it’s none other than Nina – again!!
00:23 After years of dodging bullets, one of the baddies realises Bauer’s probably wearing a vest and goes for the head kill shot instead. But then they never do that do they?
00:24 As the clock ticks, Jack takes a shower, only to find his long-dead wife Terri already hogging the soap. It’s all been a dream. Hold on, that would never work!
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