Top 10 Most Pretentiously-Titled Videogames
|LISTS - VIDEOGAME LISTS|
The name may be Tolkien-esque, but that doesn't mean they're worth a week off work...
‘Adjective Noun: The Verbing of the Noun’...
10. Legend Of The Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole
(XBOX 360, 2010)
Made-up words are always a winner, but sticking a random apostrophe wherever the dart lands is always the cream on the cake. Special bonus points for the use of ‘Legend Of…’, an original move that also worked particularly well for Zelda, Kage, Mana, Valkyrie, Sinbad, Dragoon, etc. And no, taking its name from the movie is no excuse. For it or the movie.
9. Mana Khemia: Alchemists of Al-Revis
A subtly hidden message here: ‘Mana’ is definitely a word. Something to do with gods and stuff, and ‘Alchemists’ is an old word for pharmacists or something. So put them together and you get a really, really good pharmacist. And if you pay a really good pharmacist enough money, he might make you a drug that would make this title make sense. Incidentally, I think I went to school with an Al Revis.
8. Myth Makers: Orbs of Doom
I’m not going to pretend this title didn’t make me laugh. Orbs? Funny enough, but Orbs of Doom? Forget about it. Which everyone did, immediately.
7. The Nightmare of Druaga: Fushigino Dungeon
OK, guys, we’re almost there: we’ve got the word ‘nightmare’ and the word ‘dungeon’. That should give the people who buy our game a good indicator of what its about. But hang on, something’s missing. I know, let’s just make up a couple of words and stick them in the middle, either side of a colon, then we can all go home for the weekend! Job’s a good ‘un.
6.Virtual On: Oratorio Tangram
Another from the ‘what-the-hell-were-they-thinking’ school of Japanese game names. Take four random-but-complex-sounding English words, stick our old friend the colon in the middle and hope for the best. Sounds like the sort of thing Will Self shouts in his sleep.
5.Vandal Hearts: Flames of Judgement
(XBOX 360/PS3, 2010)
So what are the emo kids into? Well, our market research suggests they’re into thinking about their feelings, vandalising bus shelters, setting fire to things and judging their peers. Well, I say ‘market research’, I mean the last series of Skins. Still, this title should have all the bases covered.
4. Resonance of Fate
(XBOX 360/PS3, 2010)
Titled ‘End of Eternity’ in Japan, both titles could easily have come from a Random Game Title generator. Take one part destiny/fate/eternity, mix well with some echoes/shadows/resonance, add a sprinkling of prepositions and leave to simmer in the bargain bins until the climax of eventuality.
3. Infinite Undiscovery
(XBOX 360, 2008)
An infinite number of monkeys slamming away at an infinite number of Macbooks still couldn’t come up with a name more hopelessly non-descriptive, meaningless and generic than this. Work harder, infinite monkeys.
2. Silhouette Mirage: Reprogrammed Hope
(SEGA SATURN, 1999)
Just beautiful. Evocative of so much while saying so little. Is it a shooter? A puzzle game? A shadow-puppet simulator? It looks like it should make sense but never comes close to it. Like an enigma wrapped in a silhouette wrapped in a mirage. Oh, right, I just got it. Clever.
1. Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night / Lament Of Innocence / Dawn of Sorrow / Legacy of Darkness / Harmony of Dissonance / etc
Ruler of the kingdom of pretentiously-named videogames, the Castlevania series wins this list hands-down. Their vampires were cool, moody and disenchanted way before it became trendy, you know, which is probably why the games’ subtitles sound like a list of rejected Megadeth albums.
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